We didn't choose the zombie life. The zombie life chose us. Hillary Dannels wearing Cocciopesto from the Matte Earth Tone collection, topped with Carnival from the Crystalchrome collection in full California sun.
The world needs zombies, the living dead, the undead, in-laws, disembodied spirits. Nothing truly ground breaking gets done without them. Our Mentality Zombie files thus are filled with salutes to our favorite zombies. From the endearing Zombie Boy to the blood-crazed toothless grandma in Scout's Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, we celebrate them all. However, being inspired early on in life by Dawn of the Dead, I'm gonna throw my lot in with the hunters, and also avoid elevators like the plague.
Cocciopesto from the Matte Earth Tone Collection serves as the base for all the manicure pictures on this blog, photographed in full sun, which kinda flips my camera out later on.
Zombies are uber-cool, like we all wish we were. I mean, take your average zombie, which is more likely to go out on the town all night, spend time at the mall or an amusement park, and get to meet Hollywood mega-stars like Woody Harrelson, than to ever sit quietly on a farm and drink beer all day like the cult hero Zombie Boy. I'm sure you have your own opinion, no matter what your take on cold beer or Twinkies are, but even Bill Murray aspired to be a zombie, which is a terrible choice when your friends are zombie hunters. Alas, zombies and their ilk are prone to terrible decisions to be capitalized by the nascent zombie hunter in each of us.
That's because when the end of the world is nigh, each and everyone of us out there, without there even being in the realm of a possibility of it ever occurring, have already made plans for the coming zombie apocalypse. We've got our own bag packed with useful gear, just like so many of you do. We've foregone the brass knuckles and K-bars that everyone post to Instagram though, because we don't need them. Our dystopian end times are instead gonna be brightly colored and packed full of painted middle fingers held high in the air kind of attitude. We find that Nerf Guns are perfect for that type of ensemble. We also keep Kool-Aid pouches and Pringles as well in our bag, because if the end of the world is coming, all diets are off the table, and if we live long enough to pass those Pringles, well then that's a well-deserved half hour out of our lived-through-zombie-apocalypse day. Except Nutella, that stuff is just unhealthy for zombie hunters. You have to spread that stuff out between two slices of cake to thin it out, and milk is heavy in the belly. You have to consider that not every zombie is a walker. Runners are a real pain when you've been nomming on Nutella.
Cocciopesto from the Matte Earth Tone collection topped with Carnival from the Crystalchrome collection in full sun. I tried to focus on the flakes and it flipped my camera out. (secretly nomming on Nutella)
Disclaimer, we do not have any endorsement with Nerf, Nutella, Kool-Aid, Kotex, Rogaine, or anyone else. It's a blog. It's called humor; stay calm and we'll all get through this. Well, most of us will. The rest have already begun outlining written responses. I'll have directions in this blog later on our favorite follow-up methods.
And Nerf are just our favorite foam dart guns. These are our own and we shoot our own zombies targets with them. We've tried those other brands, and they're crap. You're just going to have to throw it away, because that's what you do with crap, which encourages a whole vicious crap cycle. Don't be a zombie. Buy good things to start with, like Nutella.
Cocciopesto from the Matte Earth Tone collection topped with Carnival from the Crystalchrome collection in the shade. You can see the color shifting in the flakes.
Zombie hunters everywhere have their own take on the best gear bag set up. Our bag matches our mentality. These are two from our arsenal. You cannot have enough foam dart guns or foam darts when the zombie apocalypse comes.
Now, for all the sensitive types, we operate under the assumption that every zombie wants to return to a normal life. That's why we choose Nerf darts over the usual slash and hack jobs you see in the movies. No blood and guts for us. A quick foam dart to the torso and our zombies simply walk away and return to normal life.
Cocciopesto from the Matte Earth Tone collection topped with Carnival from the Crystalchrome collection in full sun.
We've even found that the foam dart method works for internet trolls. Simply set up your monitor at a reasonable distance and shoot the offending troll with your foam darts until you've achieved the proper level of butt-hurt relief. We understand if this requires a succession of reloads. We understand butt-hurt, as we too have privately filed our own butthurt report forms.
We have found the best results to trolling butthurt threads to be to not respond. But do not be decieved. Oh no, I am the ultimate in butthurt recipients. You gotta print off a copy of that form, fill it out with a ballpoint pen, and then mail it to your US Congressman. I mean, make an actual federal case out of it. And don't just hand it off to the mail carrier. You have to take it down there yourself, just to make sure it gets mailed. And don't forget all the hot emails you have to send. Super ultra mega anime butthurt is a real disease that requires real attention. You can't just spray some Dermoplast on that and expect relief.
Cocciopesto from the Matte Earth Tone collection topped with Carnival from the Crystalchrome collection topped with Red Glaze in full sun. The flakes underneath took on this deep orange glow from the Red Glaze, and the green end of the color shift changed to a red-obscured green black. It was really trippy to look at.
Gosh that takes a lot of time, but our favorite projects need that special touch. That's why we've converted to shooting our computer monitor with foam darts, which is way more efficient than actually engaging trolls through words. We've also found that animal crackers goes perfect with just a smidgen of Nutella to make our own butthurt subside in a reasonable amount of time. People who we've never even met before can say ugly, terrible things with their words. Nutella makes us feel like hugs. Nom nom nom nom ...
Caution! Foam darts should not be applied directly to affected areas in an attempt to relieve butthurt, nor should Nutella, on yourself or anyone else. Serious consequences may develop, including but not limited to nut allergies, deep personal embarrassment, and/or assault charges. Butthurt incurred through exposure to trolls should only be confirmed in public by experienced troll hunters. Remember, sharing is caring. Let us in on that butthurt too. We all actually want to know. Otherwise, it is always best to not engage a troll directly with replies or eye contact. Unfortunately, most trolls become disengaged on their own and thus disinterested if not directly addressed. (pokes trolls with stick)
Cocciopesto from the Matte Earth Tone collection topped with Carnival from the Crystalchrome collection topped with Red Glaze in full sun and out of focus, which makes the silver accent in the glaze stand out.
And last a final love note for all y'all zombie folks that were over at Arminex, bless your hearts. We promised to dance a waltz on your corporate graves, but instead our accountant made this lovely card for you. See y'all next time!
Wish you were here! Cocciopesto from the Earth Tone collection topped with Carnival from the Crystalchrome collection, and then skittle topped with Neon Red Glaze, Neon Orange Glaze, Neon Green-Yellow Glaze, Neon Green Glaze, and Blue Glaze. This manicure was just crazy to look at with the color shifting below the neon.